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The Gospel Truth2月4日 Home ProductionIt takes two to tango, three's a crowd, and it takes four tuneless freaks one superlatively tuneless to create a home production of wonderwall. Bassless BA deserves special mention, this endearing man has no conceivable association with music and thank god for that. 4 hours was the time it took us to realise that bassless BA is truly bassless and the best job for him other than providing the laughs was video recording the production. This was our first ever attempt at recording music, the rest of the band comprised of Manny Madonna on vocals, yours truly on the guitar and the surprise of the night was Inspector Gadget a.k.a. Sivamani not on the drums but on a foldable wooden table, a plastic box cover, business the board game(an indianised version of the british monopoly much like our production) and not drumsticks but a wooden spatula. We learnt the hard way that neither do stainless steel plates nor do upturned aluminium vessels double up as a cymbal, only cacofonix would find good use for them.
I hadnt played my guitar in over 6 months, it was but natural that it would take a while to pick up the chords and timing the rythym. 19 hearings of the song later i was prepared to play without the song and all i wanted bassless BA to do was to sing the song. Unfortunately, as lovable as BA is, for him singing and reciting poetry deserve the same melody and as for timing, if by divine intervention he got his cue right, he mispronounced words and went back and repronounced them, much like an 8 yr old learning how to read. But all will agree that he is truly an 8 yr old at heart. Several failed attempts later, Manny Madonna came to the rescue, he paraded in with his bobbing gait and camouflage pants. For whatever reason Manny had gone home for 2 hrs to remove his lenses when i had at home all the lens solution and lens cases a guy can ask for. 12 hearings of the song later Manny sat himself down, clutched the lyrics paper firmly in one hand and a wooden spatula in the other hand to beat himself to get the timings right, and like the eternal romantic trying to serenade his lover, brilliantly mastered every note and nailed all the timings perfectly. We were so proud of ourselves and overwhelmed with enthusiasm that we decided to record, but all we needed was Sivamanis acoustics. By now BA had listened to the song nearly 35 times!!
Sivamani arrived late and was appauled at our understanding of what can substitute for drums, we tried plastic boxes, plastic box covers, ladles, spoons, vessels, and for the first and last time my room was a kitchen and i was the head chef trying out the acoustics of my equipment. A foldable wooden table, a plastic box cover and the box of a board game were the eventual winners. Dinner, 2 coffees and another 10 hearings of the song later Sivamani was ready to play and he played like a man posessed, considering the equipment at his disposal it was truly a commendable performance. By now, BA was bored to bits, and we were a bass drummer short, so we gave him a plastic container and a spoon. After a few short lessons on timing, we began, and 1 verse into the song Bassless BA struck, with the result singer and bass drummer were still on the first verse and drummer boy and guitarist had reached the chorus. You know you are a struggling performer when there is a round of laughter from the audience(aka my 10yr old sis) instead of the more conventional applause. So that plan bombed badly.
Maybe BA was better suited to the piano and all he had to do this time was to play one key throughout the song. This time his much feared alter ego Mr. Bassless had not yet struck. Then the complicated part. There is a pause of 4 beats after the second verse in the song. Lets just say that it was one pause beat too many for BA to handle without help from Mr. bassless. Another round of rapturous laughter.
All band members unanimously decided that BA should be kept away from any musical instrument and that mother would take over his position on the piano. BA had the honour of videographing and recording the song and he finally found his niche.
The recording studio comprised of a headset microphone and a computer. With bassless BA at bay we thought we had all the gremlins sorted out. This time with everything going according to plan the drums aka foldable wooden table, literally folded on itself during our first attempt at recording. What was amusing was that the thud of the table folding was in perfect sync with the song, more so than Mr. bassless. I unfolded the drums( thought i'd never say that) and all was in readiness for the second attempt.
Finally, we recorded it.
BA had endured nearly 6 hours and close to 60 hearings of the song and it was only natural that the next morning he would be singing the song to himself and but ofcourse his melodious voice woke us up from a deep slumber.
I think BA deserves the most compliments for bearing with us and still cheerfully video recording the whole night.
A decade ago, Noel Gallagher and the oasis wrote and composed "wonderwall" in their album "whats the story morning glory". I'd strongly recommend youll to please listen to the original before you listen to our version and not the other way around. Feel free to be critical, love to hear your opinion.
For all those interested in seeing the video follow these steps:
Just follow these steps exactly...to download the file..
Click on this...it will take you to the page..scroll down to the bottom..u hav to options Premium & FREE...Click On FREE.....Page will refresh & u will have a countdown going on at the bottom..just scroll....once the countdown finished....some letters will be written in a pattern..just type in those letters or nos in the box provided & click on DOWNLOAD file......u will get your download pop up..just click save..& download the file..
its a 23 MB file...(DONT USE DOWNLOAD MANAGERS...wont suppport)
playable in latest players or else just download VLC player from www.videolan.org 1月24日 Sunny side up...5 superheroes set out on a mission to save the sun from drowning into the arabian sea. what better place to do that than GP. for obvious purposes the team needed a leader and Davy Jones willingly volunteered. This is no ordinary pirate in fact its a she. she has a squid for a head and yogi bear's lower extremity and lets just say that in my previous blog she was addressed as 2d but she is far from that. her superpower was her left cerebral hemisphere ....far superior to anyone on this planet and lets just say if her right brain was as gifted she would be a living legend. The little mermaid was assigned the task of navigation and should catastrophe strike rescue the sun from the depths of the ocean. the little mermaid was in actual fact a man who would go to any length to save the honour of Davy Jones and catwoman. That brings us to Catwoman, she was shaped to near perfection, had mirror shine hair and a face that inspires profound poetry. she did have a weakness though and like most cats it was anything to do with fishes, fisherwomen, fishtanks etc. her objective was to distract the creeps who preferred the darkness. Such an expansive project needed adequate equipment and who better than inspector gadget. his primary objective other than the supply of gadgets was to find a plug point to recharge his batteries. and his secondary objective was to make life a sandy hell for the little mermaid. Nature boy was preoccupied with rescuing the garden city from devastation so he would join the foursome a day later.
first destination was ratnagiri railway station. Davy Jones smartly decided that the team must eat at the "giriratna railotel" before they press on. i have heard of hotel, motel and even intel but it requires exceptional creativity to come up with railotel. ingenious is the man whoever thought of naming his hotel giriratna in ratnagiri and railotel because of its proximity to the railways...take a bow. next order of business was to reach GP at the earliest. the first threat to the mission came in the form of Mrs. Swine a.k.a. hairy scary (she had a Haider Ali moustache). She had chatted up Davy Jones and her suggestion was to take a rickshaw to GP. We are only too familiar with the ability of a standard 3 seater autorickshaw, there was no way 5 grown people including mrs. swine and luggage was gonna fit in there unless the name of the mission was rickshaw side up. Well fortunatley for the saviours of the world, State Transport(ST) came to the rescue. Mrs. Swine also benefitted from the ST. She chose a spot right next to Davy Jones and it appeared that her objective was to harras Davy Jones all the way to GP. As soon as the conductor came around for tickets, Mrs. Swine metamorphosized to Mrs. Swindling Swine. She was convinced that at 62 she is a senior citizen and although the age limit is infact 65 there has to be a way Mr. Conductor can ammend the constitution and make her a senior citizen or the bus journey lasted 3 years at which time she can legally demand the benefit. If you ask me i think she had a brain of a 4 year old, and an appeal for a half ticket held more water. Mrs. Swine failed miserably in her endeavour and sulked all the way to GP. In all this mayhem catwomans nemesis the "bus ride" had reared its ugly head. It was common kowedge that bus rides especially one like this that had sharp winding roads elevations and depressions brought out the best of catwomans barf. This time though catwoman fought through the nauseating ride and reached GP with intact gastric contents much to everyones relief.
The base camp was gonna be a bamboo hut a.k.a. Konkani hut at the MTDC, it was an adequate vantage point at the beach, facing the west and provided a view of sundown in the ocean. It was late evening inspector gadget had met his match, a television set with no plugs or ports, no plausible way to watch movies, which was very vital to the mission. Just as the operation was about to be abandoned ONIDA came to the rescue with sufficient ports and inspector gadget was pleased as punch. By then it was too late for the day the sun had set. only hope was little mermaid. He too failed for fear of the sea Witch and the dangerous water currents in low tide. With superheroes like this who needs villains. Sad and dejected the day came to an end and everyone hoped that nature boy brought with him better luck the next day. The next morning, Davy Jones ordered all superheroes to test the waters at the beach before the aliens of the Deccan odyssey came along. The swim can best be described as illimitable bliss. Enter Nature boy with an only too familiar swagger and a spring in his stride or as much as his suitcase permitted. He has been an ardent disciple of Mother nature and she showered blessings on him in the form of a fur coat that would put a panda to shame. He also drew inspiration from the indian cricket team where it came to dropping things, wonder how he would prevent the sun dropping into the ocean. That evening clouds prevented a clear view of the sun and hence sunset became inevitable. It seemed our superheroes were never gonna be able to "Save the Day". Davy Jones decided that when all else fails, pray. So to please the gods they marched barefoot for 1 km around the local temple, offered pranams and hoped for blessings.
When the stars adorned the night, the team played Taboo for entertainment. this official superhero game provides an insight into their lives, for example did you know that the official superhero sanitary pad is Stayfree!! Did you also know that for catwoman the most famous sonia is not sonia gandhi but some girl in her school who is also g*uris friend. And that diamonds are not just forever they are also a girls best friend. Sanjay Dutts colourful life gave him the honour of being the most referred to celebrity. While nature boy avoided sleeping with the ants that night (so much for nature boy) the little mermaid went to bed with the golden sand.
The next day they floated in the ocean trying to take in as much of the sun as possible. They were truly bouyant about their chances that evening. ate modaks and made sand sketches while nature boy was distracted by nature man who in turn was distracted by the unique sand formations.
Finally the moment of truth had arrived, the sun was on the horizon, Davy Jones and Catwoman held the sun with their hands, nature boy took the ultimate gadget from the inspector and captured the sun just in time. our superheroes had outdone themselves, they were overjoyed. To celebrate their achievement a movie directed by spike lee was in order. Spike being a dogs name for obvious reasons angered catwoman to the extent that the rest of them were forced to listen to her random rambling.
Enter Mr. Swindling Swine, he too was a scary individual and the hairy part was restricted to his ears. Poor man he was misinformed and he thought that the garnier fructis hard gel was a cure for hypertrichosis, so he had ear hair radiating in all directions of gaze. Mr. Swindling Swine threatened to rob them of their riches at sunrise, he thought that Rs. 150 multiplied by 2 equalled Rs 624. Had it not been for Davy Jones' intelligence, this swindling swine would have succeeded.
This time on the way to Ratnagiri, the ST in partnership with the revengeful beheaded gummy bears in catwomans stomach decided to wreak havoc on her and it seemed that finally the "bus ride" might just produce a wholesome vomit, but catwoman was brave, she held her nerve and her intestines, and she lived to puke another day. Not to be outdone, nature boy also lived up to his weakness and dropped catwomans bag 3 stories from a railway bridge, fortunately the train was late otherwise nature boy would face the same fate the gummy bears did.
Today the sun is safely locked away in the Sony 6 MP Digicam. thanks to our superheroes, Bob Marley can croon again : Sun is Shining .......To the Rescue.
This is a story based on a trip to the beaches of Ganpatipule and for those who werent there, its a must visit, beautiful place. Hope we can do this again next year and forever thereafter.
2月9日 The Gods must be crazy.Dadar Station…..
2d: Traveling is so stressful. I hope we are not late this morning, I most definitely cannot reach late. I anyways believe Dr. Hari…. hates me…. He is taking an early lecture for our batch. Playmal: We’ve been through this….he does not hate you, its just one of your many delusions…lets not get into it again…anyways here comes ManFred. (enter Mr. ManFred……) (true to form his cellphone plummets to the ground) Mr. ManFred: Hi, what were you’ll discussing? Playmal: nothing significant… (Enter Train 8:04 Dombivali slow) (The three enter the first class compartment) Inside, is the Kutty family that is Mr. And Mrs. Lolla Kutty and their daughter Kitty Kutty, they are fresh outta the box from Karnataka….never been to Mumbai before. Sitting across 2d is Mr. India Gate who is in deep sleep(almost a coma), the only difference being that his mouth is wide open, and standing at the door is Mr. Roadside Romeo listening to his walkman and singing “Aashique banaya, aashique banaya……” Just as the train is about to depart comes 2d’s soul sister Qua, the sexy seductress with an inane ability to attract the bhade ka side’eys and roadside romeos. 2d: Hi, qua I saw this really goodlooking guy on the train…..you should have been there…… Qua: Hi, damn I missed it. I got late because I just could not wake up today morning. Mr. Roadside Romeo: Aashique banaya… aashique….WOW…..aashique banaya (the wow signifies the lack of subtlety used by Mr Romeo in checking out Qua). (enter Miss very well endowed wearing a top that reads..”cuddle me I am rare”) Playmal a.k.a Loudmouth Lulla: Hahahahaha look at the top on that girl it reads Cuddle me I am rare…hahaha…(pause of 5 sec)…oh shit that is foru from our class. Miss very well endowed(dirty look): All u guys are so perverted… 2d a.k.a piggy: I am always hungry these days….i think I am becoming 3d…lets see whats in my dabba.. (Enter dabba with bhindi and chapatti) Mrs. Kutty looks up at 2d and wonders what an odd time to be eating… Mr. ManFred: Hey give me some…….(he reaches out grasps a couple of bhindis in his hand and in the blink of an eye they had fallen on Mrs. Kutty’s saree)…oh shit Sorry sorry sorry.. Mrs Kutty (to her hubby faster than u can imagine): ingulappa intruvantilla idioventricular obringlingo (translation: this white man with no manners has fingers smaller than our kitty’s, cant even apologize) 2d Qua and Playmal: hahahahahahahahaha……… 2d decides to give the Kutty family a culture shock….the dabba is closed, out comes the Lip Gloss which is promptly smeared on her lips… Mrs. Kutty: untuventricle ortulluatrial ungentumullintranation. (Translation: this white girl with the dabba is so stupid she hasn’t yet realized that her lipstick is over it is not leaving any colour.) Playmal borrows the lip gloss ….uses it the only way he knows how. Mrs. Kutty: (culture shocked and virtually speechless) : unturullu lullatianetnella ventriclesandatrioventricular unguluralluuintrodontingo (translation: this white man is the stupidest of the lot he hasn’t yet realized that he is a man) Time for sunscreen that has a positively revolting odour. 2d and playmal gleefully apply it all over their faces…..2d checks to see if shes missed a spot in her mini mirror. By this time Mrs. Kutty has a puzzled expression on her face which resembles an ape looking at himself for the 1st time in a mirror. Mrs. Kutty: (mystified and frightened): intrrolla canulentranella andomolomocantrullo trivandrumenalla (translation: these white people living in the city of Indian thespians have very low I.Q. they put rotten milk on their faces and then check to see if it makes them look fairer!! Lets leave before they influence Kitty. The Gods in this part of the world must be crazy) (Exit: The Kutty Family at Kurla Station) . all in rapturous laughter Mr. Roadside Romeo: oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo Huzoooooor. Miss very well Endowed: That boy sings so well….i think he is very cute…(Mr. Romeo’s eyes fixated at the caption on her top….lets give him the benefit of doubt he might have some difficulty in understanding such tough words like “Cuddle” and “Rare”) Vidyavihar station… all characters alight… This is a true story All characters in this story are NOT fictitious and any resemblance to them is NOT purely a coincidence. 6月24日 Road to my Better HalfA large scale party that lasts for all the better part of 7 days, attended by close to 4 generations of genetically challenged homo sapiens, signified by drunken brawls, women straining their old voices to sing very discordant folk songs, matchmaking, back biting, kitty partying, showcassing of some of the most precious stones and jewellery, not just by women, late nights, disgraceful dancing, a fire, a topless Brahmin and yes ofcourse 2 people preferrably male and female who get together to set all of this into motion. yes i am talking about the big fat greek ...err... Sindhi Wedding. For all practical purposes lets divide this magical event into the ceremony and the party. The ceremony is the most boring part has the least no. of invitees and is a matter of an hour before the couple is united by the bonds of holy matrimony. Thats the only hour of glory, 15 minutes of fame literally for the newly weds, they are practically forgotten from the rest of the wedding. The action is in the remainig 6 party-packed days. It all starts with the Sangeet ceremony symbolized by obese ancient women well passed their prime trying to sing with voices, that never had a prime and the youth of practically the entire Sindhi community joining in what can be best described as a tribal dance in which every move is some modification of the garba or the bhangra. This is the time when every boy and girl of marriagable age and ofcourse their families view whats the availability amongst the opposite sex. This is followed by the cocktail party. This is the oppurtunity for the males for once to standup get drunk and raise their voices louder than their wives' otherwise the sindhi male is a victim of severe domination...in sindhi the condition is described as a "Kubha" which is a syndrome characterised by a humbled demeanour, hunched stance and most importantly "slave to the Queen wife". The relationship somehow resembles the black widow spider the only difference being that in the arachnid family the female Queen spider kills the male after they consumate their marriage, among sindhis, the female kills his power to think freely and "Kubha" syndrome prevails. Anyways coming back to the topic, the cocktail party drags on into the wee hours of the night and invariably there is a brawl of some sort and embarrasment of the host. The next day is the Mehndi ceremony, by now the news of the most eligible bachelor has spread like wildfire through the entire clan. Dont be fooled by the phrase "Most eligible bachelor" conventionally it would be someone with dashing good looks, intelligence and wit personified(Yours Truly),but for Ms. Sindhian all thats hunkie dorie as long as he has a bank balance the size of the moon, preferrably settled abroad and he is like a pot of gold if he is from USA. Anyhow the mehndi is nothing spectacular but the dinner party that follows is where all the jewels come out to play. jewellery is the symbol of wealth, hence more the glitters more the potential gold. Mr. Eligible is also on the lookout fr Ms.Eligible. Ms. Eligible should be pretty, should glitter the most, also from a family of great afluence. so then Mr. and Ms. Eligible have met. Now all thats left is the ceremony which, by the very high sindhi standards is a daft, gloomy affair with nothing magnificent but a Marry-go-round a fire.Then The Reception. This is the event that decides the fate of all the potential bonds made over the past few days and also its the day when the families of the newlyweds are put under the microscope. A lavish 5-star affair with a multicuisine buffet and a honeymoon for the couple abroad(preferrably europe) would mean that the parents of the couple did a fairly average job. At the reception, women are decked up like christmas trees with hunched men hanging like barks of the trees by their sides, the average total cost of one lady at the party with all the jewellery and clothes is a round figure of about 2 lakhs. Show off is the order of the day. At the end of the day, no matter how elaborate, exceptional extraordinary the wedding might be everyone will go home and have something demeaning to say just to run down the family in focus. On an average about 17.435 engagements are announced within a fortnight of the wedding. Ohh the Happy Souls they met their match. I am 20 year old single sindhi, judging by my past records theres a good chance someday i would follow the multitude meet a potential Ms eligible at a certain someones Wedding so before i get ahead of myself and run my community aground i must also respect the fact that this way i have some hope of someday being with my better half, so be it i will also suffer frm Kubha syndrome, indulge in some Sindhian antics....its my only way out!! |
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